our little diary

Stories

{Friday, September 22, 2006 @ 9/22/2006}

Understand the lyrics to this song....and give me what i need...

">To everyone, i apologize.....i didnt mean to come on that strong yesterday.....i was jus ticked off! It wasnt really all you guys fault(whoever tought it was)it just that my feeling about evryone and everything was just bottled up for too long....my heart just couldnt hold that much tought and feeling ya knoe(my heart is only as big as my fist!)....I was more likely pissed off at everyone and evrything.....I just felt like i was shook too much....You know the saying "dont shake the bottle too much or it'll just burst"? well~ i felt like i was shook too much....by everyone no matter if it was my family, my friends, my teachers, people in the TV, my self even, whoever, seemed to me everyone did in these couple of months! I didnt actually wanna show any side of dissapoinment anytime of yesterday nor soon(cause if you really noe me....you know i'll just let ALLAH do whats best), but for some reason this friend of mine read me so well that i was(nobody else did).....he confronted the people who crossed the last line of mine(i dono if u noe im talking about you, but thank you....cause you read me better than anyone else....im sori i just couldnt be there when you needed someone just like you...and that actually wanst the 1st time you read me...)well yeah~ he read me that day in just a matter of seconds.....n everything came out...and for some reason for me to be and do what i usually do when im read was to just deny it....but for some reason i couldnt yesterday.....my heart was just shook too much for these past few months and it burst.....but luckily it didnt burst that much or you guys would've seen something you wouldnt like....okay~ goin back to why i didnt stop myself.....i even tought of the same question....well~ i tot maybe it was because.....i never actually had a moment like this....cz my friends and family usually show that their breaking down(on the other hand i usally suck it all in, cz there was always no one there).....and im always the one who has to be the helping hand....but i dont get that in return(maybe cause, then i didnt have someone who read me well!).....or maybe i also tot that i wanted to see how far could i get to be *emo* as they call it! or maybe even since i dont usually get attention anywhere, i just really liked the attention or maybe also becausei felt like i just couldnt stand it.....honestly, i dont know.....mayb it was all the reason together! And i would really wanna tell you guys what were all the things that made me fcuked up all these months.....but thats just be too long to write(i could make a 100000000000 word esaay for it).....cz i did think over of all the things that happened....but i was in the shower crying alone(well~ i couldnt really tell apart my tears and the shower water!) so yeaahh.....i dont have enough tissues nor any shoulders actually to cry on! so yeaahh~ i wanna say im truly sorry....altho some of you just didnt get the hint that it involved them too.....for some bloody reason...and i would like to thank you to the guy who read me.....thank you so much cz this wasnt the 1st time you read me....and i really appriciate it.....I really wanna express all my feelings all the reason in fucked up in this blog....but that'll just bring tears(and i dont have a big box of tissue wif me now) not only to myself but maybe even the ones reading....and i would want anyone to get offened cz in my opinion everyone is involved....so yeaahh....if you really wanna noe all the troubles....You'll care~atleast some of you....i hope....